Women & Marriage: the other view

When we appear for an interview, we do not mind sitting in front of the interview or a group of interviewers and let them assess us. This holds true for both men and women. However, if you are not one belonging to the fairer gender, how would you feel if you are made to sit in a similar situation in front of your prospective bride and in-laws? Too embarrassing? Something that would hurt your ego? Not surprising, considering that men, at least in India, never have to encounter such a situation.

But Indian women, a large number of them, face such a situation. At least certainly those who opt for (not necessarily out of choice) arranged marriage. This has been happening traditionally. The prospective groom and his family members visit the girl’s house to see the prospective bride, her family and abode. After a brief introduction between the two families, the girl is asked to appear in front of all, draped in an ethnic dress, followed by a Q&A session which is as good as an interview. If Indian movies and television soaps and serials are to be believed, they may also be asked to display whatever creative talent they have. Usually, they are asked to sing, if she is known for her vocal chords. Wonder what she would have displayed if she was an artist/painter who only sketches/paints nude men!

One may argue that this is how all arranged marriages initiate, that’s how it has been always. True, but hasn’t the world moved on and advanced several notches since the time such customs were innovated? Today we claim that women are at par with men, so why this discrimination when it comes to the process of arranged marriage? Present-day parents bring up their daughters with as much love and care and provide them with as many facilities as they give to their sons. Girls get good, high education, they are taught of all worldly matters, they are taught to be smart and also, they are encouraged to enter the professional field. All this factors get negated when a girl is made to sit in front of a room full of people, where most people are unknown to her, and interviewed in a manner as if her life is at stake. True, choosing the right partner is a very important decision for every human being, but then that holds for both genders. So it is time that the undue advantage that boys and their families have been enjoying since time immemoriam is brought to an end.

There are women who feel that despite all the hype and hoopla about gender equality, the fact remains that women are still defeated, at least in matters like the process of marriage. Women also have their needs and desires related to marriage, but are they all fulfilled? Do they always have a say in the way things are done in this regard? Someone may not be prepared for marriage, someone may not want to get married at all, but eventually they have to (at least most do) get married because of societal norms. 

If a man is lustful, he is at best called a playboy. But for a girl, even if she shares a good rapport with her male friends, she is called a slut. Not fair. Women also have their sexual desires, but it is unfair to categorise them so derogatively because of that. A man may decide not to marry and rather bed hundreds of girls all his life. So what’s the harm if a woman thinks that way? Just because she is a woman she has to get married? Why do we have this perception that a woman cannot spend her life alone?

Even in case of love marriages, especially when they don’t work out and result in divorces, it is the girl who has to take the blame. “I told you it (the marriage) won’t work out, but you didn’t listen,” the parents would say, perhaps overlooking the girl’s state of mind. Therefore, whether it arranged marriage or one out of love, or even a decision of not getting married, women generally end up hearing an earful from the society in all cases. Will this never change? Can’t we do something?