Adventure has a new name: BDSM

Many of us may have the desire or are actually adventurous during sex, but not many are aware of a very significant and technical term in this regard – BDSM. It is essentially the form of sex which involves bondage and submission. In simpler words, the sexual act in BDSM involves one partner (usually the female) being submissive to the other, by being blind-folded or hands tied during the act.

While a lot of people may not be aware of the technical term, a number of them do practice it, at least partially. Be it spanking in doggy style or having sex blindfolded, many may have tried it, not knowing that there is a name to the act. A recently conducted survey revealed that while some have heard the term BDSM but didn’t know what it meant, few others knew the concept, done that, but weren’t aware of the specific term.

BDSM may be adventurous for some, regressive for others, but bottomline is that a lot many people have the desire to experience it. Just that the desire is visible in some cases, and latent in others. Considering that most people in the survey have admitted to be game for being a little more adventurous during sex, it manifests the fact that most people tend to be kinky during sex.

Also, nearly 70 percent of the respondents have expressed desire to try their hand at BDSM. In fact, those who have partially tried BDSM, they have experimented with it in different ways. Some try out undressing the partner blindfolded, some experiment with BDSM with imaginary sex toys, etc. Then there are few others who feel that BDSM is something to be tried at a little older age, by when one has tried out all contemporary sexual acts.

One also mustn’t forget that the sculptures at Khajuraho and Konark Temple, which depict a lot of sexuality among people in the bygone era, indicate that being adventurous during sex existed in that period too. Just that today a specific way of getting kinky has a name, but the seed was always there.

There is also a large section of people who are against the concept of BDSM. They feel that peaceful people will not like BDSM, because when sex involves bondage, spanking, etc, it may be turn-off for many. In fact, there is a general feeling that BDSM is something that a man will perhaps not try with his wife, where the caring factor is involved. Most people associate BDSM with lustful sex, which in most cases is with people other than your partner.

Other findings of the survey show that unlike most other aspects related to sex, there is a lot of difference in opinion when it comes to BDSM or sexual activities related to it. While men feel that intercourse blends the best with BDSM, women feel fisting or oral sex gel with it better.

One factor that perhaps is a hindrance to trying out BDSM is that there are very few or perhaps no shop or online merchandise that sell sex toys or bondage gear in the country, which are required for BDSM. That doesn’t come as a surprise, considering that sex still continues to be a tabooed subject in India.

The ‘unclean’ women

The idea that the doors of the house of God are open only for some and barred for others should be deeply offensive to any true believer of God. Unfortunately, these doors are often found to be closed for some, particularly ‘unclean’ women, i.e. menstruating women.

In Hinduism, the fear of pollution from such women is so deeply rooted that they are not allowed to enter temples and inner sanctums or visit pilgrimages, depending on the state of their wombs. Even today, little girls of 12-13 years are not allowed to partake in rituals during occasions like Durga Puja if they are menstruating. The religious and social norms do not consider the fact that for the kid the Puja is a festival, a once-in-a-year occasion. For the little soul it is not possible to understand the significance and dos and don’ts associated with her periods. Also, considering that the worship is of a Goddess, there is definitely something wrong about the idea that a Goddess, who is a symbol of femininity, would turn her face away from a worshipper who was undergoing a normal female biological process.

It is the same peculiar logic that women who are menstruating are ‘unclean’ is behind the prohibition that bars women between 10 to 50 years from going on the Sabarimala pilgrimage. Any woman, who is even capable of having children, or making love, or menstruating, is turned away. It is hard to fathom why any woman would want to worship a deity who saw her as somehow inferior by virtue of her sex. It’s much harder to imagine the depth of the fear that lies behind such thinking.  

Therefore, are the religious and social norms trying to suggest that only women who are sexless are clean in the eyes of God? People who created these norms perhaps forgot the fact that women’s biological process called menstruation is a creation of God, and this process plays a key role in the continuation of the world. Therefore, tagging a woman to be ‘unclean’ based on this is certainly unjustified.

One may argue that when these norms were created women were disallowed from entering religious places as in those days the female folk did not have proper protection gear like sanitary pads. But have the rules been changed now, when most women have this protection gear or are at least well aware of the requisite protection? No one has dared to do that, because no matter how much we speak about gender equality, women are still considered to be less important in certain aspects, such as religion. Sigh! 

Child Sexual Abuse

Most of us are aware of it, heard about it, many have even witnessed it or worse, experienced it, but not much can we do about it. Can we?

Yes, we are discussing one of the most unfortunate things of the society – child sexual abuse. Countless children across the world, including in India, are victims of this social evil. NGOs and other social welfare societies have been trying to combat this evil and help the victimised children wherever, whenever possible. Lot has been written and said about this abuse and has been portrayed in films like Pankh and I Am (the Sanjay Suri story). Yet, children continue to suffer.

It goes without saying that the children who suffer this bad experience often get into a state of trauma, which in many cases, remains all their life. In certain cases, the child fails to realise when he/she is being exploited and understands it when they are grown up. That realisation can also traumatise the child and haunt him/her almost at all times.

An incident of child sexual abuse can have such a deep impact on the mind of a child or a grown-up (in case of late realisation) that it may hurt his/her personal and professional life and may even make the child mentally unstable to get back to normalcy. While some manage to get over it or learn to live with the forgettable experience, most others get into a state of irreparable shock.

The Abusers

Why does child sexual abuse happen? To understand this, we need to first identify the victim and the culprit. The victim is the child, male or female, in the age group of 0-12 years, usually. The child may also be a eunuch, but that is a different genre of abuse altogether, which requires a separate discussion.

The culprit is the abuser, which is mostly male (I am yet to hear about any female abuser), whose age may range from about 20-70 years. In many cases, the culprit is someone within the family. In fact, majority of the cases of child sexual abuse involve uncles and cousins.

But what drives these people to commit such a heinous activity? The reasons vary from psychological to biological. The instances of child sexual abuse indicate that the desire to be involved in paedophile exists in many. Besides, frustration in sexual life or lack of sex also leads to people engaging in such activities.

Child sexual abuse is also a result of the attempt to fulfil hidden desires by the abuser. For child abusers, trying to get physical with a child is often an endeavour to fulfil their desire of being bisexual.  

From these instances, it is evident that these are not normal deeds, which indicate that the abusers are sick mentally. True, some are lecherous, but trying to have sex with a child doesn’t indicate a sound mind.

I am publishing this article on a day when this issue is being featured in Aamir Khan’s TV show ‘Satyamev Jayate’. A commendable effort no doubt, but is it enough to eliminate a social evil like child sexual abuse, which mainly happens within the confines of home?  

To be or not to be in the buff

Nudity is an integral part of human form. The subject draws the interest of artists, painters, writers and filmmakers alike. But does that mean nudity only appeals to creative people? Across the world, there are people of different races, communities, languages and understandings. Does nudity mean the same to them?

We all are born nude. Yet, nudity of a grown up human being raises eyebrows, and perhaps more than that! Foreign countries may have nude beaches or free societies where nudity is not a big deal, but generally, being in clothes and without them does make a lot of difference worldwide.

Talking of people of every stratum across geographies, what does nudity mean to them while having sex? A middle-class couple staying in a small rented room with their kid(s) may have to mate silently at night when the child(ren) is/are asleep, and therefore, scope of getting fully nude is less in such a situation. In other words, scope and situation play a significant role in deciding on the nudity factor during sex.

In Indian households, especially those in rural parts and those who belong to the lower strata of the society, complete nudity do not hold significance for all. This is largely because of the following reasons:

1. Concept of foreplay is hardly there.
2. For them it is all about intercourse and not love making.
3. Lack of space.

As a result, sex is mostly ‘quickies’ in such households. However, the scenario is quite different in urban households, largely because people in cities perhaps have sex with their minds as much with their bodies.

To find out more on this, I conducted a survey recently. It showed that about 70% of the respondents feel that sex can be satisfying only in full nudity. This is something that we often see in movies. Hollywood and foreign films show that people almost always try to get fully nude when they want to have sex. But whether the same happens in reality, particularly in Indian scenarios, is what I endeavour to explore.

The survey brought out some interesting perspectives and thoughts of people related to sex. One of the respondents in favour of full nudity during sex is of the opinion that human beings are visual creatures and being stimulated by the nude body is part of the entire arousal process. The respondent also feels that clothes might come in the way while one is having or about to have sex.

Seconding the view, another respondent said that one needs to feel the person in order to make the most of the sexual pleasures.

Some respondents are of the view that nudity during sex depends from person to person. Full nudity may not be necessary to enjoy a sex session. However, sex mostly leads to full nudity, which proves that satisfaction during sex mostly comes from full nudity.

Counter view

While the number of people who feel that sex can be satisfying without complete nudity are fewer, their thoughts are quite interesting. According to one respondent, the concept of wearing transparent stockings and high heels might be appealing during sex, but this is not something we can much relate to in the Indian context.

Another respondent feels that sex without full nudity can be satisfying if the clothes one is wearing is accessible enough for penetration.

While the general perception is that foreplay is preferred by most urban couples, one respondent thinks otherwise. The respondent feels that sex without full nudity means that the couple is doing it in the heat of intense passion, which does away with the need of foreplay.

Another respondent who feels that sex can be completely satisfying without full nudity opines that the thrill of the action does not lie in nudity but in the moment, because it is about passion. It is about the rush of blood you feel going through your vein, especially when you are doing it at a wrong place and you have the fear of getting caught. It is a moment one does not want to slip by. The fact that one is doing something at a wrong place gives one a high. Taking off clothes at that moment is immaterial, unrealistic and the utmost luxury one can afford. You cannot imagine having oral sex inside an empty classroom or mating inside a car being fully nude. The whole adventure that surrounds the entire experience is what makes these quickies memorable. Therefore, 'quickies' are the order of the day, feels the respondent.

Therefore, while movies and novels may depict full nudity during sex and most people may prefer it, there is an emerging section of people who are giving sex a completely new definition. For them, the rush of blood, thrill and passion that one can derive from ‘quickies’ can never be substituted by full nudity in the comfort and privacy of the bedroom.

Film Review: Aparajita Tumi

Those who read/follow my blogs must be wondering why I have put up a film review on The Untrodden Path. Some of my readers have categorised The Untrodden Path as a sex blog! Well, sex being the most tabooed subject in our country, I feel some serious and open discussion is the need of the day. And in fact, it is sex which is the connecting point with Aparajita Tumi.

Aparajita Tumi is not a film on the subject of sex. However, after a show of unnecessary boldness in ‘Bedroom’, which released a couple of weeks back, Aparajita Tumi comes with unnecessary skin show. Perhaps director Aniruddha Roy Chowdhury thought that the skin show would help save this very ordinary film from sinking. Make no mistake, Aniruddha disappoints us with Aparajita Tumi after delighting us with Antaheen.  

Aparajita Tumi is based on Sunil Gangopadhyay’s novel Dui Nari Hathe Torobari (Two women with sword in hand). The protagonist of the story is Kuhu (Padmapriya), who remains Aparajita (undefeated) despite challenges and setbacks. Her husband Pradip (Prosenjit) goes through midlife crisis and is looking greener pastures out of home. He gets attracted to Ushasie (Kamalini Mukherjee), the young and sexy wife of Ranajoy (Chandan Roy Sanyal), who remains lonely as her Ranajoy is busy either with work or with wine (beer, to be precise). With both Pradip and Ushasie looking for sex, they waste no time in getting into the act, but later, they both admit of the fling to their respective partners by marriage. Kuhu walks out of Pradip’s life, but later returns when he becomes terminally ill. The film ends (not with death, as in Aniruddha’s earlier films) with Kuhu accepting the challenges of life and learning to live with them.

Earlier we have seen some brilliant movies and TV serials made on the basis of stories written by Sunil Gangopadhyay, which includes Moner Manush, Hothat Neera’r Jonyo, Sei Somoy, among others. However, Aniruddha fails to do justice to the creation of the author, making a film that is largely boring and fails to hold on to the viewers’ interest. The film does not come up with anything new and does not have any reason why movie lovers would pay to watch such an ordinary fare (except for the brilliant cinematography by Ranjan Palit).

Aparajita Tumi is also a waste of talent, considering that Aniruddha had roped in some brilliant actors for this film. Kalyan Ray’s role could have been meatier. Tanusree Shankar (Kuhu’s mother) and Indranil Sengupta (Kuhu’s ex-flame) do justice to their roles. Chandan does a brilliant job though. Hope to see him more in Bengali films. Soumitra Chatterjee leaves an impact in a guest appearance.

Kamalini has been given a character who is a bit nyaka and speaks seductively to Prosenjit. Not a role you would remember, but guys don’t miss her backless scene!

Southern-import Padmapriya plays the protagonist’s role well, though I feel there are better actresses in Tollywood who could have put more life to Kuhu’s character.

And Bumbada, we certainly expected you to be in a film much better than this after Baishe Srabon. However, it is the script and loose direction that is to be blamed for the actors not being able to show their full potential in Aparajita Tumi. 


I began this article mentioning that sex is the connecting point with Aparajita Tumi. Besides the skin show and the love making scene between Prosenjit and Kamalini, the film also has a lot of discussion about sex. However, sex doesn't appear to be important for protagonist Kuhu (and also Ranajoy). Importance, or the need for sex, has been shown through the characters portrayed by Prosenjit and Kamalini. However, both had a feeling of guilt afterwards and confess the same to their partners, which goes on to show that Indians are still expected to be or projected as ones barred from sexual independence. Indians are expected to be loyal to their partners even when their partners sexually deprive them! Let us break free from this hypocrisy.